im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
