party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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