Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
