Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
