and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
