Jerry, you need to find god
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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