So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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