we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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