Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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