i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
