is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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