What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
