It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
