Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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