I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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