Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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