My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
