exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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