you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
