Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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