I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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