So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
