nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
