Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Even the bartender felt bad for me
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
