You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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