I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
