He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
