hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
