Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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