ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
