so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
