If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
