There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
