if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
