Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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