You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
