I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
