It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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