Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
