lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
