there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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