he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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