She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
