at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
