i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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