I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
