Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize