i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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