Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
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