my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
