DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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