how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
These tits shall not be calmed
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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