The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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