If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
