I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
