Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Randomize
