Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
