At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
