I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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