did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize