After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
