i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize