That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
