Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i can't believe i had my finger in that
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
