This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
