The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
