I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
