i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Randomize
