im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
