he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
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