Just took my morning after pill in the library
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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