I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
