My hair reeks of homosexuality.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
