You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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