I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
