rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
