the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
